Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Saratov Week 6 - "Cast your burdens on the Lord"

February 16, 2015
All is Well,

Sister Busman and I had a wonderful last week together :) She is really such a sweet sister. She is so mindful of others and I could honestly go on and on about that Swedish sister. I learned so many things from her and I felt honored to be her last companion. I was so nervous for transfer calls, I knew that I would be staying in Solnechney, but with my companion going home I would be getting a new companion, but mom, guess who I am with, SISTER COLEMAN. I almost jumped out of my seat when Sister Schwab called. I have to confess that in my last letter that I wrote to president I almost said, "Hey... if you want any ideas for transfers, I wouldn't mind serving with Sister Coleman." I am sooo excited. I have only heard the very best things about her, but she is probably the one sister that I have never actually met. And knowing that she was ending her mission soon I was feeling so bummed that I might never get to meet her. But guess what? Heavenly Father knows my heart so well. This cycle is going to be amaaaazing. Something funny is that sister Coleman's little brother was my "EFY crush" I have to admit that I'm a lot more eager to be friends with her now though hahaha. I can already tell that I'm about to serve with a lifelong friend :) Ahh... dreams come true.
Right now I am in an internet cafe with Sister Johnson and Sister McKell. For some reason I won't be with Sister Coleman until Thursday. Also Sister Martinez was made sister training leader, I totally saw that coming. She is such a star. I love that sister so much. Also I think that means that I will be doing splits with her, meaning that if she feels inspired... I can come back up to Balakovo for splits. Ohhhh this transfer is going to be so much fun. I so hope that I can go back to Balakovo and see my beloved birthplace.
 The mother of a new convert has been coming to church. Yesterday during sunday school she said, "people always talk about not being afraid to share the gospel with people and getting the courage to share it with people... but I feel the exact opposite. When I am here at church I feel that I want to share it with everyone!" Her name is F and she is AMAZING. She gathers her whole family around us when we come over. We set a baptismal date for her on the 28th of Februrary :) 
My testimony is strengthened with every week that I serve my mission, but one day this week I experienced something a little more profound, a little more sweet. I woke up and thought about the things ahead of me for the day... and I noticed something, or maybe it was that I noticed a LACK of something. I felt no hope for the day. My heart just felt so weighed down and I felt an ache or a thirst for something, a hole that needed to be filled. I feel that I am doing the things that should be drawing me closer to God, reading scriptures, praying, testifying, but I still feel far from him. Feeling more and more weighed down and hopeless as the morning went on I locked myself in the bathroom and got down on my knees and asked for help, for comfort, for more love in the work. Feeling frustrated I began to cry. I felt the need for something, or someone, and I just confessed that I really cannot do this alone, I asked that my burdens would be made light through Christ's atonement. As soon as I thought the words, I felt an immense relief. My tears immediately stopped. And I thought to myself, "Hey, I still want to cry. I need to let these feelings out!" But I couldn't. My body didn't need to cry any more, the sorrow was gone. It was as if my well of tears had been completely dried up. I felt a reassuring feeling from my Heavenly Father that my mission has been acceptable to him, and that he wants me to press forward... but with the knowledge that I don't need to do it on my own. 
I felt that he was saying to me, "Sister Wilson, you are doing wonderful, but if I could give you one point of advice... I would ask that you rely more on the redeeming and relieving power of the Savior. Why are you trying to do this on your own?" And he's right.
Why am I trying to do this on my own? It's sooo so much easier just doing all the good that we can do and then leaning on the Savior for all that we can't. My testimony of the redeeming power of the atonement was strengthened, also the fact that God does answer our prayers. And sometimes he answers them in months... and sometimes he answers them immediately. 

Have a wonderful week everyone :) Missions are miracles.

Love, Sister Brooklyn Wilson 

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