All is well,
This week Brother Mckay came in to the classroom to teach us, wrote two words on the whiteboard, told us to translate them, and then walked out saying he'd be back briefly. "ded moroze" (how it sounds in English) I translated the last word, which translated to "frost" then as an Elder translated the first word I heard him say, "Grandfather...?" Ded moroze=grandfather frost. SAAAANTA!!!! We were all jumping for joy when Brother Mckay returned. We all knew what he had: our RUssian nametags! Okay it might sound lame... but MTC nametags are in English, so seeing my name in Russian on that nametag, really was like Christmas haha:)
Something that I thought was really quite humorous this week... I was sitting by an elder in my zone at lunch who said that sometimes they couldn't fall asleep at night because an elder who lives above them would play his Ocarina... as in the Ocarina of time from Zelda. I guess that make little flute thingies that resemble it? I thought that was funny, but then I asked who was playing it and they said, "Elder Tonn," .....as in the elder that Elder Graf is training right now. I just about died laughing after hearing that. Holy cow.
Also on Thursday, I was returning from PE (why do I call it that?) and waiting outside to cross back to the MTC on the crosswalk. I heard a car honk at me and behold... my brother Tanner and his darling young wife, looking at me with jaws dropped. HA! Feels like I said goodbye only 5 days ago! They were stopped at the light while everyone was crossing the street. I was so happy! I jumped up and down and said, "Hiiiiii!!!!" I was crossing the street so I couldn't really talk to him. But I was just so happy to see him. 10 seconds later after I finished crossing the street my stomach dropped. WHY didn't I stop and talk to him?! I totally could have! I just for some reason felt like I had to keep walking. Ugh I'm so mad at myself! Oh well, I guess it just wasn't meant to be haha :) but I was a little frustrated with myself when I realized that I could have because he was just stopped at the light.
Sunday, the second counselor of the Young Women's Presidency spoke to us. She said something that really made the hairs on my neck stand up. Actually a lot of things have been making the hairs on my neck stand up considering I am leaving so soon... I feel like I've been stuck in week 2 forever. MTC time cannot be explained, only experienced :) Anyway. She said, "your heart is changed when you give it away, you cannot white knuckle your way to a changed heart. Ease up. Trust God." UGH. I am trying to do that right now but it is just not as easy as it sounds. There is a part inside of us that is really afraid of trusting anyone but ourselves.
I have a friend who has been out in the mission field for about a year now, and he says he is just now realizing that he hasn't been trusting God. I really don't want to come to that same conclusion after I've been out for sometime... realizing that I've been doing all of this work alone when I could have been doing it with the help of God. I don't want to be holding onto my heart with white knuckles while Christ is patiently waiting for me to give it to him. It's just like that scripture... D&C 103: 27 "Let no man be afraid to lay down his life for my sake; for whoso layeth down his life for my sake shall find it again."
When I lose myself, when I realize my weaknesses and buckle to my knees is when God is most ready to help. Christ can help us build our strongest towers when we start with him at rock bottom. He loves starting from scratch because then he can build us up in his way, with no faulty foundations leftover from our ways.
God knows every single hair on our heads, not even a sparrow drops to the ground without him knowing. I promise he knows us, better than your parents know you. Better than your wife or your husband know you. Because he knows us perfectly he can help us to make decisions that will make YOU happy. The choice that makes one person happy won't necessarily make you happy, ask God before you follow anyone else. He won't lead you astray. Promise.
Be good :)