Saratov Week 9 - "Balakovo, city of miracles!!"

March 9, 2015

All is well,

Oh man. I am still in shock about how much can happen on a mission in just one week. Or a day, or even a few hours. I sometimes feel that I will do more on a mission that I will ever do in my entire life. 

SO, we went to Balakovo on exchanges this week, my birth place :') And WOW was that refreshing. I just fell back in love with everyone there. Not only the members, but literally that people on the streets! I am sorry but I have to say it, people are just straight up nicer in Balakovo. It's so easy to give out Books of Mormon there. However, Saratov is waiting for a stake, so of course there going to be more persecution there. ANYYYWAY. I will just relate some of the things that happened in Balakovo. 

First of all, Sv... (someone our companionship baptized) was in Moscow, so I didn't get to see her but I talked to her over the phone and she is doing great :) still going strong and reading her scriptures every day! Then we did get to meet with S, the 15 year old girl who was baptized is doing so so good. She just gets it. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes on a mission someday. And then we also met with N, who is handicapped and just about died when she opened the door and saw me. I have never seen anything cuter in my life. She was just jumping up and down and hugging me and then would look at my face and then hug me again. But the best meeting that we had by far was with a less active member named "E".

Sister Martinez said that "E" texted the sisters one night and said, "I need help. I have a drinking problem and I have been avoiding meeting with you because I thought you'd be disapointed." The sisters haven't been able to meet with her since I've been gone and we finally got a meeting set up for when I came. We didn't know whether or not we should bring a member with us because we were afraid that she might not open up, but president Schwab said that it is always better to have a member than have none at all. So we invited the new branch president, Zhenya. I was just praying the whole time that we could touch her heart. That we could somehow been instruments by which she could feel her Heavenly Father's love and have a desire to come back to him. The lesson was focused on Christ and we read and studied about why we need an atonement. We asked her if she still prays and said said no. That just broke my heart. I then told her how much her Heavenly Father loves and adore her, how precious she is to him and how precious their relationship is to him. And that was did it for her, she just began to sob. Zhenya then offered her a blessing, and I nodded encouragingly toward her. As he blessed her, tears just streamed down her face. One thing that really stood out to me during that blessing were the words, "God wants to speak to you." The spirit was so strong there. We invited her to start praying again, AT LEAST once a day. As we got up to leave I hugged her and reminded her, "don't forget who you are, and don't forget that God wants to talk to you." The tears began to stream again and she told me she loved me and thanked us for coming. That was one of the most powerful lessons I have had on my mission. I know it was so sacred to my Heavenly Father. 

Nothing breaks my heart more than knowing that people have stopped praying. Prayer is the most important source of relationship building with God, and Satan understands that quite well. Don't let him convince you that prayer is important, and when you have that thought say, "WHOOOA Hey there Satan! You really just gave yourself away by giving me that thought because anything that tells me not to pray is from the devil!" NEVER STOP PRAYING. I literally don't know how I could even survive ONE DAY here in Russia without prayer. 

I myself am doing okay. I have been thinking that something is wrong with me lately because I've been so down in the dumps and I just feel like a drag, and I don't know why?! I am praying praying praying to be lifted up and to rely on Christ, because I literally have NO reason to complain or be sad. We have investigators. We have seen baptisms. I was just wondering what on earth is wrong with me as we were walking out of the church building yesterday and I was suddenly BLINDED by the sun. I was instantly just filled with JOY! I MISS THE SUN SO MUCH. Seriously I think I am lacking in vitamin d or something. Goodness. Thank goodness winter is almost over. Pray for the sun to keep coming out :) and this might be the most missionary thing I'll ever say, but it really just reminded me of the Savior. A life without sun is like a life without the Savior. 

Yesterday was my halfway mark on my mission and it was also national womans day which is a HUGE holiday in Russia. My companion and I got roses and soap and candy from people at church :) Also a really old babooshka approached me at church yesterday and commended me for wearing my hair in a braid and not letting my hair down like all the other wild girls these days. Russian grandmothers are great :) 

Such a miraculous week. Truly. And a mission really is the best decision I have ever made. It is the hardest thing I've ever done but every aspect of it really is worth it. 

Love, 

Sister Wilson 

Sister Wilson refers to the importance of the sun and it's affect on her mood, and she likened that light to our Savior, Jesus Christ. Elder David A. Bednar, an apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, teaches more about Light HERE

Samara - Week 22 - "Oh man, Christmas was wonderful!"

Four beautiful "Sisters in Zion" Russia

December 29, 2015

All is well!

Oh man, Christmas was wonderful :) It was so good to see that everyone is actually still in fact alive. I do have to say that talking to my brothers in Russian what pretty interesting... and Tanner I do have to admit that yes, your accent was pretty awful ;) Somehow you need to keep up with your Russian! You once had that perfected! Now watch, I'll get home from my mission and get swept up in life and forget it all too. You can never judge a person until you are in their exact sitation (AKA someone who is living the life that will lead to the life of a billionaire) I can't image how busy you are. 

Sister Wilson & Sister Martinez

After skyping with everyone, we sat down for a moment with the member that we were with, Sv... We were definitely meant to be at her house that day ... to be with her. She is 52 years old, and her one desire is to be married only so that she can talk to somebody about the gospel at any time that she wants to. She has had a HARD life, full of abuse and neglect, being thrown down out the door and down stairs by former husband. Being blamed for the death of someone. Having children leave the church... going on a "mini-mission" only a few days after she had a stroke... she's tried to take her own life a few times while she was young and people always came to her rescue. Once as she was about to walk out into the middle of the road in front of a car, a woman took her by the hand and jerked her off the road. I mean honestly the things this woman has been through has been truly awful. She just sat and told us that we need to focus on finding young people so we can help them know how to deal with these sorrows and pains earlier than later in life. By the end of her venting all of us were crying and my dear companion suggested that we get down on our knees and pray. Oh Sv, she just sobbed and sobbed and begged her Heavenly Father for help and comfort but thanked him for the Plan of Salvation. What would we do without that knowledge? The atonement will make everything okay. Everything that isn't okay in this life will be made fair in the next life. What a blessing to know that relief will one day come. Sv helped me to see that missionary work really IS the most important thing that we can do in our lives, helping people to know that they don't need to suffer. Because we have a Redeemer who has already suffered all. THAT is the message to the world, that truly peace and joy can in fact be found in this life. 

Sometimes I look at this mission life and I wish there was a veil. Can you imagine how homesick we would get for our heavenly home without the veil? Why can't we see God, or remember Him? First of all that wouldn't be faith, and second of all, It think that our hearts would break from homesickness! However, I do have to admit that when I was done skyping you, it gave me a lot of gratitude that I am here in Russia, I love you SO MUCH. But I am learning so so much here, and I am definitely not ready to be home yet :) I still have so much to learn. I gotta build my own firm foundation before I can come back. And wow has that foundation been built, it's just being forified now. 

We had zone conference this week as well on the 26th and it was just perfect. It was 10 hours of a spiritual FEAST. I have never felt so satisfied spiritually! I am all regenerated and ready to work my tail off this year. Also Sister Schwab made Christmas dinner and it was soooo goood. Mom, I was so stuffed. I promised myself I would't do it, but I haven't had a homemade meal in so long. I couldn't help myself :) I love the Schwabs so much. They will be a part of my life forever, I am certain of that. They are the perfect example of a happily married couple as well. I want a good humble husband like president Schwab. He's probably the most humble man I know. 

I am just choosing to be happy. I am choosing to see the little miracles and then RUN with it. When I see something small, for example on Christmas Eve I was actually feeling like someone was holding me back, my desire to work was small. But nonetheless I did have a desire. We approached 3 women and 2 of them took Books of Mormon, that little miracle sparked our hearts and we decided to run back home and give out 10 copies of the Book of Mormon that day, I have heard of missionaries doing that and just thinking, "That is IMPOSSIBLE! How can you do that?!" Well that's just it, we can't! God softens people's hearts and we gave out 13 Books of Mormon. It built my testimony that we display a desire and then act upon that desire (AKA faith) and then God gives us a little miracle, and the small miracles lead to BIG miracles! 

I can't wait for the new year. This will pretty much be my year to give to God. I will be back before Christmas, but looking back on this past year I am just blown away at how fast it went by... this year will likewise fly by. I am SO EXCITED and ANXIOUS to see what this year has to give :) And what I can't wait to give my all to Russia for the sake of my Heavenly Father and his only begotten son.

Merry Christmas to you all. 

Love you :)

Sister Brooklyn Wilson 

Sister Wilson mentioned that "the Atonement will make everything okay". What did she mean by that?  * Find out more about the Atonement HERE

Samara - Week 21 - "Russia is White!!!"

December 22, 2015

Merry Christmas :)

All is well.

Russia is WHITE right now :) and so, so beautiful. Right before it snowed though, it rained and the streets were just pure ice. Have you ever seen that video of the day on BYU campus when the ground was frozen solid and everyone was just sliding every where? Yeah that happened here. I thought it would be fun to count how many times I've fallen in Russian by slipping on ice. It's not even funny anymore. Everyone is just always falling all over the place and no one laughs, you just get up, brush off your bum, and keep walking. There's not even a thing you can do to stop yourself from falling. You have the realization that you are slipping and two seconds later you are not on your bum or your knees but all the way upside down on your back. It's wonderful. 

And Moooommmm! We got a call on Wednesday and it was from Roman the van driver (AKA Santa Claus) and he said that he would be at our apartment in 40 minutes with our Christmas gifts. I was jumping up and down for joy. I know Christmas isn't about presents... but just to get something from some loved ones overwhelmed me with happiness.  I can say for sure that it would not even feel like Christmas without the decorations and MUSIC. Like dad said last week in his letter, Christmas isn't Christmas without Christmas music. When I put in our family's "Christmas music" the one that we listen to ALL the time, before and after Christmas... I just started tearing up. I am so grateful for those sweet Christmas melodies. It makes me feel at home with the apple cider candle and Christmas snowflakes and a few little stockings. Know what? I have never had a Christmas that I HAVEN'T looked forward to. I have always looked forward to Christmas for one reason or another. What a blessing, some people have looked to Christmas with sorrow or dread knowing that they will perhaps be lonely during such a special time of year, and God has blessed us all so much with people to love, with something to always look forward to. I'm here with my dear companion who I love to pieces, we are just best best friends, and I even get to celebrate Christmas with my own family :) Sister Martinez and I have Christmas all planned out :) We'll wake up, open our stockings and cute little presents, then we'll have some homemade french toast (every day so far on the mission it's been eggs, cereal, or oatmeal, BORING) and book it over to one of the members at about 9:00 to Skype home. Then after we'll be heading to Zone conference in Saratov. WHOA. What a day. 

My companion and I have really focused on faith this week by realizing that no matter how impossible things seem, God is ALL powerful, I love seeing God exercise his power to soften the hearts of people. I love witnessing God exercise his power in such a manner, it is so humbling, it shows God's tender love and mercy toward us. When the father approached Jesus and asked him to heal his son Christ didn't say, "Do you believe that your son can be healed?" He said, "Believe ye that I can do this?" Do we believe that CHRIST can do this? YES, we believe that Christ can do it. It is the most humbling thought, because we all know that we cannot, but Christ can, and WILL. 

We are praying SO fervently for miracles. Just begging for them! We're doing all we can! All we can do is say, "please Father, do what we can't!" When we are stuck in places or it seems that we can't move forward anymore we ask God in FAITH to please bless us with miracles, change our circumstances, change the hearts of people, and he's doing it. I have seen it too many times this week to claim that it came from me. This week I sat on bus transport and began talking to a woman, I made small talk at the beginning, explaining that my friend and I are from America. I then brought up the Book of Mormon with her, she says that she has one, and it sits at her home with her bible. Sadly RIGHT after she brought up the fact that she had a Book of Mormon a woman sitting across from me on the bus had overheard our conversation and began yelling at me saying that I am NOT an American, she said, "I studied French and English in school, and I couldn't get the intination or accents right even after YEARS." (at that point I wanted to tell her that we can only even speak Russian so quickly because our teacher is GOD, who also happens to speak perfect Russian) Then the woman standing next to her looked at me and also said, "Yeah, you even LOOK Russian!" Before I knew it I had about 3 or 4 woman yelling at me. And all I could say was, "I am so sorry I really don't understand all that you are saying!" They probably thought I was a spy. Sadly, I didn't even have time to see that the woman with whom I was talking with had gotten up and was exiting the bus. Thankfully the conductor knows us and asked that I stood up and sat somewhere else away from the mean women yelling at us. My companion and I got off the bus a little bummed out. We just stood there a moment with our shoulders a little slumped. I was SO bummed because I knew that that woman would have wanted to meet with us, but I didn't get the chance to ask for her number. But, about 5 seconds later, a woman gets off the bus and says, "Hey! Are you two from Germany?" She noticed that we were being picked on while we were on the bus and she knew we really weren't Russians (really it is pretty obvious, we have ridiculous accents). Well, she turns out to be just about the nicest lady, we told her our purpose here and she gave us her address, and phone number and said she was VERY interested in talking to us. The best part is that she came to church with us yesterday. Heavenly Father works through mysterious means, and persecution sometimes brings unseen blessings :)

Something that I have learned from this work is that not only is it fun 

(really it is fun, I can't imagine going home and just walking past someone on the street without stopping them to talk about the gospel, it's so fun) 

but it brings JOY. Real joy! What is joy even? I'd have to say long lasting happiness :) Whatever brings God joy will bring us joy, and what does God want? 

To bring to pass the imortality and eternal life of man, I am doing what brings God joy, no matter I am so happy :) You can even do that at home. Think to yourself...

Everything you have is because God loves you. God loves us, he gave his Son, 

the Son gave his life... what could we possibly give God? 

Well let's just remember Mosiah 2:17... 

And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; 

that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings 

ye are only in the service of your God. 

and help someone feel God's love through YOU. What else can we give him? 

He has all, we can't give HIM any material things, he really doesn't even want that. 

The only thing that will bring the world pure, real joy is Christ. 

He's eternal the only real eternal source of joy. 

I feel that I've done a 180 degree turn from about 10 days ago. I was feeling very low, and some of that feeling is still there if I let it creep in. But I am just trying with all my might to have hope and to push it out. And more than anything, I have noticed that it has been Christ who picked me off my feet and is now carrying me through (likely) one of the hardest parts of the race, the hardest part of the mission experience. I am just endlessly grateful for his mercy, I am so so grateful and I feel that he's blessing me with the love that I need for my companion and the members that I've never experienced before. I really LOVE them. I know that this love did not come by itself, I am not even capable of creating such a gigantic love. It's a different feeling, like the language barrier is FINALLY disolving and we all just understand that we're brothers and sisters and we all love each other :) This love was given from God. My companion is a champion and we both rely and trust each other to be responsible, we are examples for each other and she is one of my best friends. Wow I am just so so grateful to be here. President not only is missionary work becoming FUN, but it is giving me JOY! I am just filled with God's love for this work. My desires are becoming his desires. And what's the difference been? Realizing that I can't deliver myself from darkness, only Christ can. And all I can do is push forward and pray with all my might and exercise faith that he won't leave me in the dark, he will lead me by the hand. 

Merry Christmas to everyone. I am just living in love in this part of God's vineyard. 

What a blessing to be on a mission right now. It's true, I've never been more tired, 

I've never felt so weak, but I've never felt so happy and I've never loved something more 

in my life. I only have one Christmas in Russian, one Christmas as a missionary, 

and I will forever remember my Russian missionary Christmas :)

Loooove, Sister Wilson :)

PS: I gave a talk in sacrament meeting yesterday and my district leader had to point to the clock and tell me to wrap it up! I could have gone on and on, WOW who knew I would ever be able to do that in another language? And I have to say I am very UNTALENTED in school, SPORTS (wow it's not even funny how uncoordinated I am) but he has been pretty merciful to me in regards to this language. What a good Heavenly Father. Although I'll be honest, I can still only understand about 60% of what I hear, but that 40% just gives me motivation to keep pushing! 

Samara - Week 20 - "I Love Shubas!"

December 15, 2015

All is well :)

As I laid in my bed last night, I realized that I have never done so much in such a small amount of time. I literally can't believe what happens in a 3 hour evening or even in one day. Things change drastically from week to week in life. I have never been more busy and I've never been doing anything more worthwhile! 

It's really not been too cold down here, but I'm going out to buy some new boots today... pffft... my boots were supposedly waterproof. I didn't last 2 hours in the snow with them this week! There's snow everywhere right now :) so beautiful, and much warmer. 

We are seeing miralces! The elders and us had 7 investigators at church yesterday and they just ate it all up! They are elect and ready, they loved church, they are reading the scriptures, and they are willing to meet with us. We do what we can, we humble ourselves, recognize that he is all powerful and merciful, then step back and say, "That is all I can do God, please do what I can't." And he is doing it. 

We had exchanges with the Sister training leaders this week again and WOW I was so happy to get out of Balakovo. It was just such a fresh breath of air. And Sister Busman is just a bulldog. She is from Sweden and it was so awesome to work with her. I've never met a more obedient missionary, I love all these example missionaries around me. This day with Sister Busman is a day that I will never forget :) 

This is a Shuba!

This is also a Shuba ...

It's Russian herring under "fur coat" salad. 

I wonder which one Sister Wilson would prefer?

I have heard about days on your mission that you will never forget, but this one is engrained in my memory. We were out knocking at 8:30 and it was almost time to go home, and then suddenly I had this reassuring feeling rush over me, I just felt comfort. I don't even know why, and then Sister Busman turns to me and says, "I have a feeling that something amazing is about to happen." Her saying that just confirmed to me that the Holy Ghost had touched us both. Then suddenly a man walks by who earlier had slammed the door in our face and says, "try apt. 116, someone there may be interested." So we hop on the elevator and standing there in front of us is this beautiful young woman in a white fur coat with dainty little gloves, glamorous high heeled boots, and naturally curly hair. We began talking with her and turns out that we even got off on the same floor with us. She then says, "Want some tea?" Sister Busman gladly accepted and walked in her home. I was just dying over her fur coat. (They are called "shubas" and I want one soooo baaad. I don't know what it is with Russians and fur but I am suddenly obsessed with fur. Me and clothes... the natural man really gets me there.) Her name was D, she looks like she's 18 but she's 23. We sat down with a drink and chocolate and talked about our relationship with God and prayer. She was thinking very hard and was so open with us. As we were talking with D I just had a feeling come over me that I have known her before, and that we had once hugged and maybe shed a tear or two before we departed down to earth :) It was love at first sight! That thing called a language barrier did not even exist with her, I have never experienced that on my mission yet. Where I just felt like I was automatically best friends with someone. That language barrier burst with my dear friend D. I know that my friendship with her started before this life and that it will extend to the next. She promised to pray... but she looked a little sad when we asked if we could come by again sometime. Her husband is a bit of a jerk, WHY. Whyyyy?? I'm just praying for her. I know that's not going to be her last meeting with missionaries, that's for sure. 

Also we had a taxi ride this week while we were on exchanges with the sister training leaders. Both Sister Martinez and I were exhausted, and I don't know what it is about car rides but they just make you THAT much more tired. Regardless of how tired we were we made conversation with the taxi driver the best we could. He understood so clearly. He understood why we don't wear crosses and why we don't pay for baptism and why the orthodox church probably isn't God's church... he just said he'd never even heard of our church. He'd never heard of this "Joseph Smith guy". His questions were so beautiful too, our favorite type of questions... "how will I know this is true?" We explained prayer and he didn't even know that we can pray with our own words. He promised to pray to find out if this is all true and we asked him the baptismal question. He said he will be baptized if God reveals to him the truth. The best part of all of this is that he lives SO close to the sister training leaders and he's seen them many times. We're not allowed to talk to men on the streets unless prompted by the spirit, and so Heavenly Father sent him to us in a taxi :)

First of all I want to copy and paste something in this letter that happened in our mission just recently, this is from our president's letter. (sorry you'll have to change the format to forward this) "While I did not participate much in it, I was nonetheless able to see it as an eyewitness. About a week ago, a man called the office and Elder Ledford answered and transferred him in to President Blinkov. The man said he was from a city called Dimitrovgrad, in the northern part of the mission. He and about 15 other men had been studying and wanted to be taught and start a Mormon church in the city!

Last Thursday, President Blinkov, two Elders and I drove to Dimitrovgrad and met with three leaders of the group. I have never seen people more prepared to hear the Gospel. They had already studied quite a bit about the Church online. The two Elders did a great job of teaching the Restoration and at the conclusion of the First Vision, the men, almost as one, joyfully indicated how amazing they felt inside and that they knew how they felt could only come from God. All three accepted invitations to be baptized and to read the Book of Mormon. Follow-up appointments (and lessons to others in the group) will be held this week. 

Did any of the missionaries involved do anything to convince the men to call? No. This was, plain and simple, a wondrous blessing given directly from God to all of us. I believe that it, and many other wonderful miracles I am reading about in your letters, are being given by our loving Heavenly Father because we are ASKING for miracles."

This letter is already long, but wow aren't we so blessed to experience such miralces in our lives? And really do you think that WE can do this? No way! I can't get even 1 investigator to church on my own, I can't make anyone read the Book of Mormon. I can't soften anyone's heart. We trust God, we rely on Christ, and we listen to the spirit. And miracles with happen. I wouldn't trade this experience for 500 shubas... I love my mission :) and I love how close it's bringing me to my maker.

With love,

Sister Wilson 

Samara - Week 17 - "The Greatest Miracle of All!"

Nov. 24, 2014

All is well,

I'll be spending another cycle down in lil Balakovo with my dear companion Sister Martinez. I'm excited to see who will be baptized this cycle, Heavenly Father has blessed us with a large teaching pool and I'm really anxious to see who he is preparing. Also on that note, the member Sv, who was baptized not to long ago, has actually been helping us on lessons. She's such a little fireball. She loves handing out invitations to people on the streets :) 

Sister Martinez and Sister Wilson eating their Thanksgiving dinner!

Oh man this week was full of the highest highs and the numbest numbs for me probably. My array of emotions has been pretty ridiculous here on the mission. However I am so grateful that I can always count on Christ when my mood goes down the toilet... he is my anchor and he is unwavering and unchanging. He always has a good mood, and he has overcome my bad mood, therefore I can rely on him to help me overcome my bad moods :)

Now for some miralces that we have seen. Most of them are pertaining to the members rather than investigators. At one point during the week all of our plans ending up falling through, however a member was still very persistant on being on the streets with us from 6-9:00. (Have I mentioned that our ward mission leader makes sure that the sisters in Balakovo are NEVER without a member from 6-9?) The member needed to take a bathrooom break so we called a member who lived nearby. When we walked in the door of the members house it became clear that we were not to come to her by coinsidence that night. She told us that she has nothing else to live for but pain and loneliness in her long 80 year old life. She is really losing sight of the point "enduring." She then pulled out of her closet a purse which contained the clothes that she wanted to be buried in. It sounded like she was thinking about ending her life short of what God wanted for her, and we spent the remainder of the night reading scriptures, praying, and lending comfort to our dear Babooshka. Heavenly Father is so mindful of his children. 

Saturday night we had a lesson with one of our dear sweet actives, E. She is married and has a child but the husband has always been against the church and refuses to let their son be baptized. Her husband's birthday was the very next day and it just so happened that we brought some famous american banana bread with us so we wished him a happy birthday with it :) On our lesson with E we focused on getting her back to church, so that she can take the sacrament and have the spirit with her throughout the week to lead and guide her and give her counsel according to the needs of her family. She came to church the next day with her little boy and texted us that night saying, "I have no idea why but my husband has agreed to come to sacrament meeting next week." She was overjoyed and so excited. She's been married to him about 7 or 8 years and that's the first time he's ever agreed to come to church. Heavenly Father is the master of changing hearts :) 

On the note of changing... I had an interview with President Schwab last week and he gave me some powerful insight...

When Jesus Christ lived on the earth every single miracle that he performed was the healing of something incurable. The deaf, the blind, the dead. But he mentioned that aside from all of that, the greatest miracle he has ever seen is the changing of a human heart. God is the one who made us, and truly only through him can we be changed.  

With another cycle here in little Balakovo I am really going to focus on giving it my all. I will love these members and strangers and investigators to death before I leave. I think Heavenly Father has seen my tendency to want to give up when I get "bored" or "tired"  he knows my tendency to give up when things get hard and he's not letting me back out! He really wants to transform such things into strengths. And that is what He wants to teach me right now; diligence :)

I wish you all a happy thanksgiving, and don't worry about me, I'm pretty sure Balakovo is one of the warmest cities in the mission right now, thankfully :)

with love,

Sister Wilson 

Samara - Week One

July 28, 2014

All is well.....

This map shows where Sister Wilson is currently serving
as well as the locations where both her brothers
served their missions. (Yekaterinburg and Dnepropetrovsk)

How do I even start this email?

On the plane ride over to Russia you may as well have said that we were already in a different country. So many people staring at us, and when you smile and them they look at you like you just killed someone, I think it almost offends people to smile at them actually. Also when we arrived in Moscow I had no idea what happened to our day... because we flew through time zones, so it was like one huge 40 hour day. Let me just say that jet lag is a nightmare. I feel like I am constantly walking on clouds. It's finally starting the wear off but by the end of the day I am absolutely pooped!

Elder Graf thought my companion would either be Sister Jensen or Sister Manly. Well, it's neither. I am actually serving with Sister Haroldson. She is a genius and speaks Russian SO well. She also gets along with all our investigators really well. (we have 6 investigators right now). My companion sings 5x louder than I do even when it's just me and her in the apartment....  she can't make her voice any softer because she trained it that way when she was in Jr. high and now it's permanently like that. At least she's a good singer. We are white washing in Balakovo right now which means that neither my companion and I know anything about our area pretty much. Also another thing, there are 3 zones in the mission. The Samara, Toliatti, and the Saratov zones.  I am in the Saratov zone. 

My mission President is the man, he is so spiritual and knows his scriptures VERY well, and his wife is an angel... literally. Sister Palmer and I slept at the President's house the first night and the next morning they made us amazing pancakes. Also President pulled me aside and talked to me ... he is honestly just SO cool ! He says if I see Elder Graf to treat him like any other missionary and give him a nice firm handshake when I see him. 

Okay let me tell you a little bit about this place:) We stick out like a daisy in a field of roses. People just stare at us everywhere we go, and when we sit down by them on the bus they often get up and move to another seat hahahaha. My favorite thing to do after they do that is to follow them to their new seat. There are cats EVERYWHERE, who said anything about dogs??! It's cats and my allergies have been HEINOUS. Especially in this city I would say that the population consists of cats and babooshkee. Any every single babooshka member/investigator that we have gives us a hug and then a kiss on the cheek, it's quite endearing hahaha. Every bus driver is shirtless. Russian BO is heinous... but hey it's all good, I could fit right in with them. Also sometimes when people are talking I think I am going to throw up (when have you ever gagged when someone is talking to you?) but their breath smells like old milk a lot of the time. It's not a sour smell though... I can't even describe it but they all have the same breath. I am sincerely trying to love these people when they're talking to me but sometimes I wish I had just barely applied good smelling lotion before I talk to them so that I could just smell my hands when they're talking somehow. Everyone is missing teeth... and almost anyone you talk to has gold teeth. There are weird stuffed animals EVERY WHERE, people use them for yard decoration. And in the middle of every square of apartments there are these make shift playground things? Also they use tires as decoration, and just spray paint them and then bury half of it in the ground. THE TOILET PAPER IS CONFETTI. I spent like 5 minutes looking for the toilet paper in the bathroom and my compaion was like, look for a role of confetti streamer looking stuff... look up Russian toilet paper on the internet, it's hysterical, but actually it's more comfortable to use than paper towels in my opinion at least. I can't describe the way that gas smells here... but it's different than American gasoline. It smells super super sweet almost? It's still July but it feels like October here, like it's almost fall. 

Rules: All water is actually ordered and someone brings it to our door, we're not allowed to drink anything from sinks. We are not allowed to talk to men on the streets unless we feel prompted to.

Knocking in Russia I swear that every other door that opens it is just a man standing there in his underwear, like... why? It's not okay to smile at people but it's totally normal to open the door in your underwear:) (Also I have only been knocking once but I hate it, it's the least effective way of contacting, I already know) We knocked one door this week and the man came back and reopened his door like 5 different times just yelling at us and calling us fanatics? I don't really know what that means. 

After contacting for like 3 hours I get really exhausted and could probably easily walk into a pole if I'm not careful. We get home at 9:20-9:30 and I find myself being too tired to even move my limbs to scratch my mosquito bites. Even though we live right by the Volga for some reason I only have a few. And I've only applied spray once. And then I looked at another Elder the other day whose arms were literally covered in them. 

The members... like everyone says, are AMAZING. They come with us on lessons as much as they can. My companion says that they think it is their duty to protect us, which their companionship actually does bring us a lot of protection. The mission leader's name is Zhenya, and he is amazing. He's like 27. And since I can't understand Russian yet, he speaks to me in English in the thickest Russian accent. I thought that he didn't like me very much until he started speaking to me in English, you see that's the problem with everything... I can't tell what people's personalities are like yet. If I could hear how they'd be saying everything in Russian then MAYBE I could build relationships better. But honestly with this language I feel like everything is like... not real? I feel like everyone are robots. This language is absoultely crazy. In the MTC I could understand and speak like a champ, whooooowheee have I been humbled! Whoever says that they get to Russia and say that they can understand even 20% of what anyone says is a liar! hahahaha I can MAYBE understand like 7%? The accent plus their word order plus the vocab? I won't be able to speak Russian for a good 2 months is my guess. I have never prayed harder for the gift of tongues in my life!

A few interesting things that have happened on the buses.... well yesterday I tried to make a friend on the bus, and I did:) her name was Olga, and then there was another woman on my other side. A man got on the bus and started yelling at me... and doing this thing with his hands, most Americans do it as a habit but in Russia it is something really bad. Ask Tanner and Parker what it means:):):):):) But both of the woman on my sides started getting after him and telling him to leave me alone. Apparently he was drunk.

"I am praying for one miracle in particular, and that is to put my trust in God, and align my will with his. I hate the thought that someone might have joined the church and may have received the gospel, but did not because I didn't have enough courage to approach them. I know that with faith I can have miracles, if anything it is the opening of my mouth that I'm struggling with. If I know I can do miracles with his help then why is it so hard for me to act when he asks me to? This work is just overall terrifying for me right now. But like it says in Alma 32:26-27... even if I experiment and have a DESIRE to believe then God will help me. Like when the man brought his child to Christ for him to heal him, Christ said... "do you believe?" The man said, "yea Lord, I believe." But even Christ knew his faith wasn't perfect and the man humbly corrected himself and said, "Help thou my unbelief." even THAT, the submission this man had was enough for Christ to heal his son. So if he can heal the sick and even raise the dead that he can certainly help me to open my mouth.

Alma 32: 26 - Now, as I said concerning faith—

that it was not a perfect knowledge—even so it is with my words. 

Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection,

any more than faith is a perfect knowledge.

27 - But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties,

even to an experiment upon my words,

and exercise a particle of faith,

yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe,

let this desire work in you,

even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

Okay so here's the thing. I cannot settle for less than perfect, and that is hard for me, because my conscience kicks me from behind when I do that. I am terrified of contacting! I will be honest . Every single person who walks by me on the street, every woman I see on the bus I want to talk to, I see all of these souls in front of my eyes... but I am so scared to talk to them because I have no idea on earth what they're saying back to me if my companion's not by my side. It is just hard to work up courage to transport contact (which we are always on buses SO much so I need to get over this ASAP).  I am trying to walk onto the bus with the thought that I am not the stranger walking into a room of people, but rather that I am walking into a room a room of strangers and it is my job to make them all feel important and to help them feel at ease. Ooooohhhh man, heaven help me open my mouth. I have the BIGGEST desire to talk to these people, I want to with all my heart.  I'll write next week and this problem will be gone, I'll be talking to everyone.

PS shorten this letter. It's way too long:) but I know you want the details. 

AHHHH I have no time! Sorry I didn't answer all the questions mom. But I love ya, and I'm safe. We always have members with us helping us. 

Somehow everyone needs to tell me how not to be terrified of talking to people, because my companion has been here over a year and is still so scared of contacting. But she is AWESOME too. Don't get me wrong:)

Love ya.

--Sister Wilson